Dear Lilah Laine,
I love you. That certainly goes without saying but in case you become angry at the tone of this letter I must state this at the beginning. I have loved you since before you were born and that night/morning in the hospital simply was the fruition of the love that I have for you. It is because of that love that I am writing this letter to you. I know you are too young to read, but I rest assured that somehow this message will be communicated to you.
We have a problem. You see the bed that I sleep in at night was bought so that your mother and I could enjoy that very simple comfort. If you knew how cheap I was you would realize that this was a big deal for me. We deliberately bought a bed that was the right size for us, we did not include children into our measurements for we did not plan on children sleeping in our bed.
However, you seem to have another plan in that small head of yours that you are seeking to implement. I understand waking up in the middle of the night as you have been doing for the past couple of months – you see I am in my thirties now and I also have to wake up in the middle of the night now. I have no problem with you ending up in our bed in the middle of the night for that is simply the fault of your mother and I being too tired to make sure you go back to sleep in your own bed. As you know though we were making headway in that department as I had started taking you into the living room and sitting up with you until you fell asleep. I was then able to lay you back in your bed and I could go back to my bed.
Smart, yes you are very smart for you have figured out this pattern and have staged what for lack of a better word we shall simply refer to as a sleep-in. For the last three nights you have managed to outlast both of your parents in going to sleep which means you have ultimately ended up in our bed the entire night. Even last night after I woke up, remember old guys have to wake up in the middle of the night, and placed you in your bed you simply let it fly until I put you back in our bed.
I’m warning you child that it ends tonight, well, possibly next week, but it will end – one day. I would like to sleep without feeling your little heels beating like a bongo drum on my chest. I would also prefer for my nostrils to continue to widen at the natural rate that God has given them instead of you continuing to try to make mine wide enough for your entire hand to fit in while you are trying to go to sleep.
As I said at the beginning, I love you,
I think your mother would also like to talk to you about the fact that you only sleep for about 45 minutes during the daytime, but that will have to be the subject of another letter.