Lifting My Veil of Shame (Humor)

I must begin with a few confessions. I warn you that they will bother some of you in their scope and frankness. Others of you will be insulted by some thoughts and beliefs that I embrace. You may even be concerned that I have given myself over to faulty logic or a substandard of truth. Ride along if you dare.

Confession 1: I never drank coffee with any regularity until I reached the age of 30. At that time Christy, was working in a coffee shop and she would fix me a milkshake into which she began to surreptitiously add shots of espresso. Of course I immediately noticed this strange taste but it’s always been hard for me to tell my wife, “no.”

Confession 2: I prefer my coffee cold; iced, if you will. In fact, if I’m not drinking it in a milkshade I prefer it with chocolate and milk. Odd, I know, as the young lady at Dunkin Donuts just reminded me. Yes, I sissify my coffee, but I would bet you bananas to bees that it is better than 90% of the stuff being drank out there.

Confession 3: My taste for coffee had to be acquired over a long and arduous period. I did not relinquish my Mt Dew very willingly and would still prefer to chug down a cold can of Dew than to sip away at a chocolate-milk coffee. However, I felt that adulthood came with certain sacrifices and I was convinced that this is one that I must make.

By the confessions above I hope that you will see how much baggage I bring with me in every sip of coffee. Yes, I now sometimes drink it hot – with a generous amount of creamer. I will drink it as a latte – where no one thinks that it’s odd that I want chocolate and milk in it – by the way. I can even now say that there are times that I sincerely enjoy a great cup of coffee; milkshaked, steamed, or iced.

But I still wasn’t doing it right. I wasn’t drinking DARK roast. Yes, my friends, even after all my self-training and my struggles I learned that I should be drinking DARK roast. You see, I was told, that in order to receive the maximum benefit of coffee; see caffeine, then you must drink DARK roast. Oh the horrors. When you are drinking iced coffee with chocolate milk the DARK roast is like placing a pig from the pigpen in the middle of a bakery shop. Something needs a bath and it’s not the croissants.

I succumbed. I did it. I let the miniscule, unexperienced, pretentious, blogworthy opinion of someone else begin to shape my coffee drinking experience. For the last several years I have bought brand after brand of DARK roast coffee hoping to find one that could be drank without assaulting my senses to the point of distaste. While I have drank a lot of DARK roast coffee I am yet to find the mythical blend that would give me my desired caffeine boost, while still tasting good. More chocolate, please. More milk, please.

Then, a breakthrough. I read for myself about the effects of DARK roast. There is a lot of information for those of you who may want to check up on this but I would point you quickly to this quirky article, “11 Myths About Coffee You Need To Stop Believing Immediately” (see here)

I finished the last bag of DARK roast and I have now embarked on a much lighter, much more enjoyable experience in the world of coffee drinking. As I write this I do wonder about the experiences and tastes that I may have missed out on the way as I allowed my coffee drinking shame to dictate my outlook instead of looking and studying on my own. Oh well, I’ll just drink another cup of light roast, chocolate-milk infused coffee and move on.

This was written primarily with my humor in mind but while we’re on speaking terms I want to leave you with a verse from the aptly titled book, Hebrews. “Now without faith it is impossible to please God, for the one who draws near to Him must believe that He exists and rewards those who seek Him.” 11:6

Published by Daniel M Harding

Husband, father, associate pastor.

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