Will provide non-stop commentary of the game, with a heavy emphasis on Nick Marshall, Chris Davis and Tre Mason.
Said commentator knows little about football, but this has never stopped him from talking about it with authority.
Due to the inclement cold weather it is not permissible for me to place this young budding commentator outside where his brother and I might prefer he be if the game goes his way.
Commentator is known to vacillate quickly between gloating and sulking. Unknown as to where this trait originates.
Commentator will provide his own football which will be thrown primarily to himself – most mothers prefer he not have the football in his possession due to the loss of breakables.
If Auburn wins, said commentator may need to stay in your home overnight. No worries, in the morning he will have moved on to something else, and you can return him to his home.
Said commentator has also cheered for Louisville, Baylor, and other questionable teams this year. Accept his fandom at your own expense – he may change to FSU before the game is over.