Dear Calorie-Counting App:
I am dismissing your services for the rest of the evening. For the sake of everyone involved – namely you – I feel that it would be best if a short period of time-out was invoked. I’m not saying that this is permanent, I just need a little “me” time.
Your very slight, but audible, snicker as I opened the bottle of Mountain Dew was the last straw for me today. Had you not been firmly encased within the electronic confines of my iPhone you might have found yourself stinging from a swift slap upside the head. Now, I’m not usually for causing bodily harm but this tension between us has been building for a few days now.
I know how many calories are in Mountain Dew. I have been drinking Mountain Dew since long before your little electronic bytes came into this world. For your information, I also happen to know exactly what kind of calories there are in that bottle of Mountain Dew.
I hope that our relationship can continue. It’s only been a week and yet we have grown so close. I have told you everything that I have eaten – and drank – for seven days. I would hope that you would respect such transparency and give me a pat on the back for the fact that I made it until 3:30 without drinking a Mountain Dew before now.
Also, for your information, since you so dearly love information, you should be reminded that this is the first Mountain Dew that I have had in a week. Please don’t feel the need to point out to me the kinship that Mountain Dew has with Pepsi, we still have a chance here. So, Adios, Farewell, and Bon Voyage – for a few hours.